I don’t know what it is about me that the universe hates.  Maybe it is that I want so much.  But really I only want two things: the obvious (to be loved) and the other obvious (a piccolo trumpet).

I thought I had the picc today.  I saw the perfect one at Dillon’s and I talked to my parents and we ordered it.  I thought I’d check to make sure I’d ordered it in time, before someone else, not thinking that that phone call would turn out with an “Oh sorry, a freelancer from New York already bought it.  We just haven’t update the website yet.”  Oh really?  Well fuck you.

I was so happy.  Finally I was getting something I’d waited a long time for, and it was going to be amazing.  This trumpet is fantastic, and the price was too.  And yet, someone who probably already has two or three piccs is getting another and I have to keep waiting for a moment that is so missable it’s not even funny.

Then there’s the love thing.  I spend a large amount of my time making sure that the people who matter most to me know that.   Clearly there’s a specific person I have in mind (hi if you’re reading this) but can someone please do the same for me?  I know you all think I’m funny and sweet and whatever but tell me that I mean more to you than that and that you’ll miss me so much this summer or SOMETHING.  Just give me some kind of sign that you still feel a little bit the way you felt that once, or smack me in the face and try to give me amnesia.  I can’t stop how I feel, but I’m tired of being the lovesick puppy without anything in return.  Just fucking get coffee with me sometime.

Prior to this summer everything was fine.  It’s been kind of a downhill (with various brief upswings, I’ll admit) from there.  I need to get this out of my system.  I need to forget about love and play the goddamn trumpet.  Not a picc though.  Can’t have one of those.